Secret Thoughts
by Misha
Summary: Whitney's thoughts on a complicated situation and the one that everyone wants.


Secret Thoughts   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- I totally do not own any of the characters of Smallville or anything else even remotely connected to the Superman Universe (though I wish I owned Lex!), they belong to a lot of people with more money than me. I am not making any money off using them in this story, so please don't sue me. 

Author's Notes- Okay, this is told from Whitney's perspective. It's actually kind of frightening actually. It's definitely implied slash. It's just Whitney's thoughts on Clark and everything. It just sort of came to me. Well, that's all for now, enjoy. 

Rating- PG-13 

Spoilers- Up to Reaper, I guess.   


* * *

I want Clark Kent. 

It's taken me a long time even to admit that to myself. I'm Whitney Fordham, the Quarterback of the football team, the big man on campus, I'm not allowed to be gay. 

But I am. 

It's taken be a while to accept that, but I finally have. 

I've finally admitted that Lana was only a smoke screen. The trophy girlfriend who kept the world from seeing how truly flawed I am. 

Lana is safe. She doesn't ask for more than I can give her; the thought doesn't even occur to her. Or at least it didn't until recently. 

I think that Lana's finally getting sick of the safety net. She has finally found something that she wants, something more than what is right, what is acceptable. 

The irony is that, she wants the same thing I want. Clark. 

Clark thinks he wants her. I know that. He looks upon her as perfection. As the ultimate prize, but he doesn't want her. 

Not really. He wants what she represents, just like I did. 

Clark's afraid to admit what he really wants. 

No, I don't count Lana as a threat. She and Clark will probably end up together, but only temporarily. He'll soon realize what she lacks, he'll soon realize that he wanted her for her glamor, not for herself. 

It's funny really, how we all want Clark Kent. How the simple farm boy is the object of so much hidden lust. 

Me, Lana, Chloe, Lex. 

We all want him. 

But will any of us get him? 

I'm too afraid to ever even approach the idea. Content to watch from afar; especially when I think that I have no real competition. That what Clark thinks he wants, is just an illusion. 

Chloe's even less of a threat then Lana. At least Clark thinks he wants Lana. Thinks that she's what he dreams of. Chloe is just his friend. She knows it, everyone knows it. That's why she's never acted on her feelings for him. 

The only real threat to the perfect illusion we have going is Lex. 

Lex wants Clark and he's not afraid to go after what he wants. 

Does Clark want Lex? I'm not sure. Perhaps. Lex is different, persuasive. 

I could see Clark falling for that and there's nothing I can do about it. 

Not without shattering the picture. Besides, there's no guarantee that if I did, it would be worth it. I can't be sure that Clark wouldn't choose Lex anyway. 

I think I would. 

Lex might be Clark's ticket out of this place. Not that Clark won't be able to leave on his own. 

Of us all, Clark's got the most potential. He's going to do something, be something, and it won't be here in Smallville. Clark will actually make a name for himself in the real world. 

Maybe that's why we all want him. Because we see his potential for greatness. Or maybe just because we see how special he is, when he doesn't even see it himself. I don't know. 

All I know is that like everyone else, I want Clark Kent, but that I'll never have him. 

Will any of us really? 

Of all of us, Lex has the best chance, but I couldn't see it working. 

No, they're too radically different. In the end, that will blow up in their faces. Taking everything else with it. 

I want to do something about it, but I can't. 

Because I'm not allowed to feel this way and because even I was, it wouldn't make a difference. Because I have to accept, that like Chloe and Lana, I'm not much of a threat either. 

Which is why, I'll never reveal these secret thoughts of mine and I'll try to maintain the fragile illusion we have going for as long as possible. 

The End 


End file.
